Sunday, August 30, 2009

Hard to explain

Today is my last day that I can be in my apartment. Tomorrow I relinquish the keys to my landlord, have the electricity turned off and complete the move to the new house.

I have been in my little apartment since May 1994; a long time. Everything that has happened to me that held any gravity at all in my life as it is now happened in the time that I have called this place, such as it is, my home.

I say "such as it is" because it's small and not very posh. I have, for the past 16 years, slept on a Murphy bed, cooked in a small kitchen, dressed in a tiny room and showered in a bathroom that is even more so. So many people have made light of where and how I have lived, but I've always felt at home there. I always felt provided for and safe there, mostly because I have been able to make my own way. Though I have struggled at times, I've always been enough to give myself just enough and be happy.

To say that I am happy to be in our new home with Morgan is to say the very least. It's very comfortable and spacious. The bedroom, when combined with the bathroom and closets, is probably a small kitchen away from still being much nicer and roomier than my former apartment. Yet, leaving a place is still difficult, isn't it? Even if the place that you leave behind is just, well, a little apartment.

It's the picking up and the moving on that leaves behind the bad and the good. And neither are there still when you return for them.


  1. Experiences, both the good, and maybe more so the bad, are what make us who we are. Your experiences are what have made you the very special, insightful, caring person you are. Though I would lighten your load if I could, I would not change who you are for anything in the world.Enjoy the next memory, and the next, and....

  2. For all the people who ever made light of where or how you lived? They can rightly kiss my happy fat ass for being so painfully stupid and ignorant. Honestly, they can.

    You've lived one of the most successful lives of anyone I know. You supported yourself entirely, worked at a job you love and that fulfills you, have no debt, leave a very small footprint upon the environment in your wake, and are happy - every day. You have enough confidence and contentment in who and what you are that you've never had a need for all the consumer trappings like big houses, fancy cars, expensive toys, etc. that so many people who lack the intelligence and confidence that you have need to bolster themselves and their ego with.

    Short version of this? Fuck em. And god help them should they ever make light of you in my presence.

    As to the leaving one home for another? I will cry, again, when I lock the door behind me for the last time down in Maumelle. That home is part of my history, as this home was part of yours, which makes them part of who we are. We rock!